Why is it difficult for women to find a partner?

Today, it’s often difficult for women to find partners because it’s very challenging to find men who are capable of taking care of themselves and their relationships. Many women try to teach their male partners, but in the majority of cases, it turns into an endless power struggle that drains a lot of our energy.

It’s not just about getting them to drink and do drugs less, not drive when they’ve been drinking, not speed when they’re driving, go to the doctor when they’re sick, watch their diet, or exercise. It’s also about them learning to take care of their mental and emotional health, expressing their emotions without hurting anyone, resolving conflicts without violence, working on their sexism, and learning to take care of their own families, friends, and loved ones.

It’s an enormous task that we women have started doing, realizing how important it is to take care of ourselves and our relationships in order to live a Good Life. And it only works when it comes from within you.

When you feel the need for a change, when you finally understand that you deserve a better life, that’s when you become responsible, mature, and committed to yourself.

You start practicing self-loving self-critique and work on becoming a better person. You begin to heal your wounds and traumas, grow on all levels, and improve your relationships with the goal of living better.

We, women, are doing an immense amount of work to accept ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and take care of ourselves. We take courses, read books, listen to podcasts, share information, go to therapy if we need to…

we work on love because we know that other ways of loving ourselves are possible.

The caregiving gap between men and women is actually a chasm because most men have been taught to receive care and not to give it to themselves or to others.

If men don’t love themselves, how can they love us?

If they don’t commit to themselves, how can they commit to us?

Many men never mature because no one teaches them how to take care of themselves and be responsible. They’ve been deceived into believing that there will always be a woman like Mom, who dedicates her life to taking care of them and loves them unconditionally. And it’s very difficult for them to find women like that, willing to give their all, happy to play the roles of mothers, teachers, guides, secretaries, psychologists, coaches, cooks, cleaners, assistants, babysitters. The pink princesses of their dreams don’t exist.

Couples in which one of the two members doesn’t take care of themselves and only receives care don’t work. We no longer want to live in a constant battle to “educate” men because it’s extremely exhausting and serves no purpose.

People only evolve and grow when they need to. Women’s love doesn’t change men; transformation is only possible when men become aware of the political dimension of love and care.

We’ve come a long way, and they’re just starting. We can’t sit around waiting or lower our standards for them to catch up. Insisting that a husband behaves like a partner is a very difficult task, and sometimes it only leads to a lifetime of fighting.

I believe the best approach for us is to admit that finding a partner with whom we can enjoy sex and love on equal terms and in freedom is not easy.

Even though it hurts, it’s better to be realistic than to live in an eternal power struggle or keep dreaming of the arrival of Prince Charming.

It’s not worth expending so much energy and time trying to turn your partner into the ideal companion; people only change when they need to.

Let us keep moving forward, and they can stay behind protesting and being angry about losing privileges. They will join the revolution when they find themselves alone.

We keep going, unstoppable, always moving forward on the path to liberation and the Good Life.

We know that love isn’t about enduring; it’s about enjoying. We know that in love, everything should be mutual and reciprocal. We don’t resign ourselves; we don’t settle for less.

While they contemplate, we keep dreaming and working for a better life and a better world.

Let’s focus on ourselves and the people who love and care for us.

Let’s continue on this path with other women, and they can stay behind if they want.

Coral Herrera Gómez

I am better than You

"You are much bigger than her, you are prettier than her, you are worth much more, she's not even close to your level..."

Does it console you when someone tells you this after your partner goes with another woman?

It has never consoled me.

Comparing myself to the other woman, making derogatory comments about her in public, or attacking her to seek approval from my circle has never made me feel better.

So, I never use this approach to console a woman suffering from love, because I believe it only serves to inflate our ego, not to raise our self-esteem.

I think if our self-esteem didn't depend on whether a man loves us or not, we wouldn't have any need to feel better or superior to any woman.

"I am more than you, you are worth nothing" does not help ease your pain or allow you to build a beautiful relationship with yourself.

Perhaps belittling the other woman may help you vent your anger and frustration, but it won't console you over such a painful loss.

Having others side with you and speak ill of the other woman won't aid the most important task in the process of grief: accepting that your partner no longer loves you and has fallen in love with another woman. A woman who is different from you, neither better nor worse.

Causing her harm won't bring you happiness or make you feel better, I believe.

What has truly helped me in times of grief is not war, but love: being with my friends, gathering with wonderful women, and becoming aware of all the love inside me and around me.

I wish we didn't need to feel superior to anyone to feel better or to bolster our self-esteem because in this battle between women, it's the patriarchy that wins.

Coral Herrera Gómez

Foros del Laboratorio del Amor

En el Laboratorio del amor trabajamos muchos temas y en todos mezclamos lo personal con lo teórico, porque creemos que lo romántico es político, es decir, que podemos desmitificar, desaprender y despatriarcalizar el amor, e inventarnos nuevas formas de querernos. A nosotras mismas, a nuestras parejas, y a nuestra gente.

Nuestro objetivo es fabricar colectivamente herramientas que nos ayuden a llevar la teoría a la práctica, a ser realistas, a conocernos mejor, a aprender a querernos bien, a hacer autocrítica amorosa, a elegir buenos compañeros o compañeras, a descubrir nuevas maneras que querernos, a hacernos la vida más fácil y más bonita.

Los foros que tenemos abiertos en estos momentos son:

– Autoamor y autoestima
– Los celos.
– ¿Te estás enamorando?
– La poliamoría y los polidramas.
– Ligar en tiempos de Internet
– La convivencia en pareja.
– El sexo en la pareja.
– Desamor y rupturas
– Dinero y amor.
– Cómo aprendí a amar: amor y familia.
– Violencia y malos tratos en la pareja.
– Infidelidades (propias y ajenas).
– Las solterías y las soledades.
– Autoboicot y autocastigo
– Micromachismos y macromachismos.
– El Ego romántico.
– Relaciones con narcisos, marichulos y psicópatas.
– ¿Son mejores las relaciones entre nosotras?
– Amar sin miedos
– Termómetro del amor
– Maternidades
– Espiritualidad, energías, y feminismoç
– Mindfullness
– Herramientas para disfrutar más del amor




También tenemos un Foro de Acompañamiento en el que nos contamos las batallas del dia a día, los ligues, los enamoramientos, las separaciones… es nuestro espacio más personal, el lugar en el que compartimos alegrías y penas, nos escuchamos y nos apoyamos, nos damos buenos consejos, nos acompañamos, nos reímos y lloramos. Es un espacio de confianza, sororidad y amor del bueno en el que vamos pensando el amor a la vez que lo vivimos, y en el que no nos sentimos tan raras al escuchar a las demás.

Somos mujeres muy diversas de todas las edades y países. Heteros, lesbianas, bisexuales, casadas, solteras, monógamas, poliamorosas, ilusionadas y desengañadas, y a todas nos une el deseo de sufrir menos, y disfrutar más del amor.

Nos reunimos una vez al mes para chatear en directo, y tenemos una Biblioteca del Amor con muchos recursos (libros, videos, artículos, documentales, reportajes, entrevistas, etc) para estudiar el amor romántico.

Si decides unirte a nosotras, ¡eres bienvenida!