Today, it’s often difficult for women to find partners because it’s very challenging to find men who are capable of taking care of themselves and their relationships. Many women try to teach their male partners, but in the majority of cases, it turns into an endless power struggle that drains a lot of our energy.
It’s not just about getting them to drink and do drugs less, not drive when they’ve been drinking, not speed when they’re driving, go to the doctor when they’re sick, watch their diet, or exercise. It’s also about them learning to take care of their mental and emotional health, expressing their emotions without hurting anyone, resolving conflicts without violence, working on their sexism, and learning to take care of their own families, friends, and loved ones.
It’s an enormous task that we women have started doing, realizing how important it is to take care of ourselves and our relationships in order to live a Good Life. And it only works when it comes from within you.
When you feel the need for a change, when you finally understand that you deserve a better life, that’s when you become responsible, mature, and committed to yourself.
You start practicing self-loving self-critique and work on becoming a better person. You begin to heal your wounds and traumas, grow on all levels, and improve your relationships with the goal of living better.
We, women, are doing an immense amount of work to accept ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and take care of ourselves. We take courses, read books, listen to podcasts, share information, go to therapy if we need to…
we work on love because we know that other ways of loving ourselves are possible.
The caregiving gap between men and women is actually a chasm because most men have been taught to receive care and not to give it to themselves or to others.
If men don’t love themselves, how can they love us?
If they don’t commit to themselves, how can they commit to us?
Many men never mature because no one teaches them how to take care of themselves and be responsible. They’ve been deceived into believing that there will always be a woman like Mom, who dedicates her life to taking care of them and loves them unconditionally. And it’s very difficult for them to find women like that, willing to give their all, happy to play the roles of mothers, teachers, guides, secretaries, psychologists, coaches, cooks, cleaners, assistants, babysitters. The pink princesses of their dreams don’t exist.
Couples in which one of the two members doesn’t take care of themselves and only receives care don’t work. We no longer want to live in a constant battle to “educate” men because it’s extremely exhausting and serves no purpose.
People only evolve and grow when they need to. Women’s love doesn’t change men; transformation is only possible when men become aware of the political dimension of love and care.
We’ve come a long way, and they’re just starting. We can’t sit around waiting or lower our standards for them to catch up. Insisting that a husband behaves like a partner is a very difficult task, and sometimes it only leads to a lifetime of fighting.
I believe the best approach for us is to admit that finding a partner with whom we can enjoy sex and love on equal terms and in freedom is not easy.
Even though it hurts, it’s better to be realistic than to live in an eternal power struggle or keep dreaming of the arrival of Prince Charming.
It’s not worth expending so much energy and time trying to turn your partner into the ideal companion; people only change when they need to.
Let us keep moving forward, and they can stay behind protesting and being angry about losing privileges. They will join the revolution when they find themselves alone.
We keep going, unstoppable, always moving forward on the path to liberation and the Good Life.
We know that love isn’t about enduring; it’s about enjoying. We know that in love, everything should be mutual and reciprocal. We don’t resign ourselves; we don’t settle for less.
While they contemplate, we keep dreaming and working for a better life and a better world.
Let’s focus on ourselves and the people who love and care for us.
Let’s continue on this path with other women, and they can stay behind if they want.
Coral Herrera Gómez
