love revolution – Página 5 – Coral Herrera Gómez

agosto 15, 2023

Never again on our knees: the atheists of love

Romantic love is a kind of postmodern religion, and it has many things in common with the Christian religion. To make us devoted followers, they seduce us with the romantic paradise: that place we will reach after crossing the valley of tears, where we will be happy, feel loved, and live blissfully.

Romanticism also has its own hell, and we fall into it when our partner leaves the relationship, when we offer our love and get rejected, when they are unfaithful to us, lie to us, or betray us, when they take advantage of us, treat us poorly, or betray us, when we lose a battle in the war of love.

Like all religions, romantic love has its saints and martyrs: those lovestruck women who commit suicide "for love," those enamored men who kill "for love," those women who give up everything for love, endure for love, sacrifice themselves in the name of love.

The most famous romantic sufferers are mythologized and glorified by our patriarchal culture to make women admire and emulate them. Patriarchy wants us on our knees, looking up at men just as we look up to Jesus Christ. For many women in the world, he is their first role model: they love him as one loves a God, because Jesus is the Son of God, and we worship him because he loves us, listens to us, accompanies us, protects us, loves us even when we misbehave. And he never abandons us.

Jesus Christ is the Man all suffering women need: the Savior, the Prince Charming, the Don Juan, the Warrior, the Knight who rescues us and takes us to the palace where we will be happy. Some of us spend years and years waiting for his arrival.

The stories of romantic love fascinate us just as much as the sacred stories of religions: we love songs, movies, poems, novels, and tales that narrate stories of love and romantic tragedies. We consume them voraciously because they are like drugs: they momentarily take us away from reality, entertain us, make us feel intense emotions, stir us up inside, bring us peace, and ignite our hope with their happy endings.

Happy endings constantly remind us of the existence of the romantic paradise, that place full of abundance, happiness, peace, harmony, and love. That's how they hook us onto the most powerful drug, the most patriarchal religion. They keep us for many years of our lives, searching for our better half, dreaming of true love, feeling incomplete or unsuccessful, believing that having a partner will shield us from ever feeling lonely again.

For many women who love, romantic love is a collective mirage that can be very dangerous. Because it makes us believe that in order to obtain love, we must first endure suffering, and that suffering is a demonstration of love toward the one who causes us to suffer. Thus, we fall into the trap without realizing that patriarchy wants us on our knees. It needs the pursuit of love to be the center of our lives, for the desire to be loved to render us dependent and submissive, and for us to place a man at the pinnacle of our affections, surrendering ourselves to him with total devotion, as if he were a god.

The female role model presented to us in romantic movies is so reminiscent of the traditional image of the Virgin Mary: the enamored woman is pure, innocent, kind, selfless, devoted, and loyal. She loves and cares without expecting anything in return. She's a woman who believes in her beloved, loves him unconditionally, suffers and sacrifices for love, accompanies the hero in his self-sacrifice, forgets about herself, and focuses solely on love.

All religions have their own ideology and impose it as sacred norms upon their followers. Similarly, in romantic love, all the commandments are aimed at curtailing the freedom of women and ensuring that of men, forcing us to kneel while elevating them to a throne.

That's why there are more and more women who are atheists and rebellious against the romantic religion: we have grown tired of suffering, of praying to be loved, of descending into hell, of enduring torment and paying penance. Fewer and fewer of us live in anticipation of a divine arrival and dream of paradise.

We're rebelling more and more against our role as martyrs: what we want is to enjoy life and relate as equals. We no longer wish to live in a valley of tears; we've had enough of suffering and reject the role of complacent, submissive women who give themselves completely without asking for, or expecting, much in return.

We refuse to wait; we don't want relationships based on domination or submission; we no longer believe in the romantic miracle.

Atheists of romantic love can no longer believe in the romantic myth: we know salvation, happiness, and paradise aren't found there. Women who no longer suffer for love are crafting tools that will one day allow us to unite with a partner without forfeiting our freedom and autonomy.

We want to build equal, healthy relationships without dependency, grounded in the pleasure and joy of life.

We've learned that suffering isn't a prerequisite for happiness.

What we want is to live well, enjoy sex, affection, and love. We're not seeking idols to worship or saviors to rescue us; rather, companions with whom to share a piece of our lives.

We want to experience the love and affection that surround us here and now—without wasting time waiting, without succumbing to false promises of romantic paradise. We'll love with our feet on the ground, being practical and realistic.

They want us bitter and depressed, but they'll find us reveling in love.

They want us isolated and at odds with each other, but they'll find us united and celebrating life.

They want us submissive and enslaved to love, but they'll see us free and empowered.

They want us on our knees, but they'll find all of us standing tall.

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español: Las ateas del amor: nunca más de rodillas frente al Señor

agosto 15, 2023

The Ethics of Love and the Philosophy of Care: A fundamental subject for life.

The key to the change we need lies in care. To end the suffering of the population and build a better world, we could start by teaching the values of the Culture of Non-Violence, Ethical Love, and the Philosophy of Care in schools.

Learning to care for myself, my home, and the spaces I inhabit, caring for my loved ones, caring for nature, and caring for the planet: it's a simple formula to improve our ways of relating and organizing.

The pandemic of suicides and mental illnesses demonstrates the urgent need for tools to halt self-destruction and curb the violence we exert against ourselves, among us, and against other living beings and the planet.

It's time to learn how to take care of ourselves and our relationships: we have the right to live a good life and dream of a better world. And Coeducation based on the values of ecofeminism and pacifism is a powerful tool to initiate the changes we need.

The modules of this subject would be:

Taking Care of Myself:

Learning sexual and emotional education.
Learning to build a beautiful relationship with myself, learning to love and treat myself well.
Learning to listen to myself and have confidence in myself.
Strengthening my self-esteem.
Controlling my ego and cultivating humility.
Learning to care for my words and the way I speak to myself and others.
Learning to manage my emotions so they don't overwhelm me or others.
Acquiring tools to know myself better and appreciate my abilities and qualities.
Working on aspects of myself that I don't like, things that make me suffer and cause suffering to others.
Learning to practice loving self-critique and working to become a better person.
Learning to take care of my mental and emotional health.
Learning to take care of my sexual health and enjoy my relationships.
Learning to value my life and take care of my health: basic knowledge of hygiene, nutrition, and well-being.
Learning to be responsible for my well-being and happiness.
Learning my fundamental Human Rights, as well as those of others.
Learning to be loyal to myself.

2.Taking Care of Others:

Learning the arts of assertiveness and Nonviolent Communication.
Learning to think about the Common Good.
Understanding human relationship structures and power hierarchies to change how I relate to others.
Learning to use my own power and understanding how others use theirs.
Learning to cooperate and build networks of mutual support.
Developing empathy, solidarity, and companionship.
Unlearning the notion of deriving enjoyment from causing suffering to others.
Learning to relate with respect and kindness.
Analysis and deconstruction of individualism values (selfishness, narcissism, etc.).
Reflecting on suffering, evil, and cruelty.
Unlearning values of accumulation and hoarding.
Learning to share and work as a team.
Learning to forge alliances and networks of mutual support.
Learning to resolve conflicts without resorting to violence.
Training to become aware of the impact our words, desires, thoughts, and actions have on others.
Imagining alternative ways of relating and loving, free from suffering and exploitation.
Advocating for our right and the right of others to enjoy a good life.
Taking care of the elderly and children, taking care of the most vulnerable people and animals.
Taking care of my partner.
Taking care of my caregivers.
Taking care of my pets and plants.

3. Taking Care of My Home and the Spaces We Inhabit, and Caring for My Planet:

Learning basic tasks for survival (hygiene and cleanliness, nutrition, physical, mental, and emotional health).
Embracing my responsibility as a citizen for building a better world.
Learning to enjoy and care for nature, and understanding the delicate balance of our ecosystem.
Developing immunity against intolerance, socially transmitted diseases, and phobias.
Learning to value the biological and cultural diversity of our planet.
Imagining alternative ways of interacting with the planet and the other living beings that inhabit it.
Envisioning alternative ways of nourishing ourselves, producing, and relating.
Imagining alternative models of social, political, economic, sexual, and emotional organization.
Dreaming of other worlds and investigating with the tools of science to bring them into reality.

In this subject, the main cross-cutting theme would be Human Rights, social movements, and universal principles of social justice, freedom, peace, solidarity, care, and love.

At a theoretical level, these cross-cutting themes would be addressed:

Theory of culture and media: techniques of reality construction and mass manipulation.
Feminist theory and history of the women's liberation movement.
Ecological theory and the environmental movement.
Pacifist and antimilitarist theory and movement.
Studies of masculinities, anti-racism, diversity, and culture of non-violence.

Throughout the course, students will have the opportunity to engage with significant questions of Humanity and imagine alternatives to the current system:

Is life a common phenomenon in the Cosmos? Are there other civilizations, or are we completely alone in an immense and vast Universe?
Why is life on our planet threatened, and why are we destroying it despite knowing the consequences?
Given the knowledge and necessary skills to save ourselves, why aren't we already doing it?
How can we eliminate inequality and hierarchies?
How can we put an end to violence and wars?
How do we distribute resources among everyone to eliminate poverty, exploitation, and suffering?
How can we ensure that we all live better lives than we do now?
How do we improve communication, care, and love for one another?

This subject blends the personal with the political: its aim is to equip students with the ability to think about the Common Good and the Community of human beings on this planet. It aims to develop their capacity for critical thinking, provide them with tools to decipher the underlying ideology in the messages they receive through media and cultural productions, encourage the blossoming of their imagination, acquire basic values for building good relationships, and work towards a better world.

When the first generation receives these teachings and embraces these values, they will be able to educate their children without violence and help them develop their own tools for self-care and caring for others.

We have the right to demand that governments provide us with an ecofeminist and pacifist education, based on the ethics of love and the philosophy of care, because the future of humanity depends on our ability to care for the planet and think about the Common Good.

The revolution of love starts in schools and universities: we simply need to teach the new generations how to create their own tools to contribute to the construction of a better world.

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español: La Ética del Amor y la Filosofía de los Cuidados

agosto 15, 2023agosto 15, 2023

Women can do what we want when we fall in love

Women are capable of doing anything when we fall in love:

In love, we can decide not to start a relationship if the right conditions for loving and enjoying love are not present.
In love, we can negotiate how we will build the relationship from the beginning to the end.
In love, we can establish boundaries and red lines on non-negotiable issues (such as personal freedom, respect, and relationships with our loved ones).
In love, we can recognize when someone loves us and when they don't, and we can leave a relationship without reciprocity.
In love, we can take the leap with a parachute and enjoy the flight without putting ourselves in danger.
In love and drunk with love, we can continue to use our intelligence and common sense, and we can make important decisions responsibly.
In love, we can continue to be ourselves and be loyal to ourselves.
In love, we can love as mature women, take responsibility for our well-being, and commit to ourselves as we commit to our beloved.
In love, we can read the signs and listen to ourselves, pay attention, and not overlook anything that indicates something is not right in the relationship.
In love, we can end the relationship with our beloved if they don't treat us well, don't care for us, and don't treat us with respect.
In love, we can boldly voice our wants, desires, and needs, even if they don't align with those of our partner.
In love, we can prevent our emotions from harming us or others.
In love, we can shield ourselves from our partner's negative or destructive emotions causing us suffering.
In love, we can say no when we want to say no. No matter how deeply in love we are, we can.
In love, we can demand that our partner use protection and share responsibility for both partners' sexual and reproductive health.
In love, we can refuse to play the role of a servant and demand that our partners fulfill their responsibilities and obligations in household and caregiving tasks.
In love, we can demystify love and explore new ways of loving each other beyond gender norms.
In love, we can continue to care for our friends just as we do when we are not in love.
In love, we can refuse to sacrifice, give up, and endure for the sake of love.
In love, we can work to fall out of love when we are not happy in a relationship.
In love, we can escape from relationships that pose a threat to our mental, emotional, and physical health or our own survival.
In love, we can analyze what brings us happiness and what causes us suffering, and we can make decisions to stop suffering.
In love, we can rebel against the romantic hoax and help other women in love realize that they are not condemned to suffer for love.
In love, we can avoid self-deception and work on everything we need to work on to live a good life, free from suffering and violence.
In love, we can take care of ourselves and ensure our safety and well-being.
In love, we can take care of our sons and daughters, and make decisions to protect them and spare them suffering.
In love, we can seek help if we feel that we cannot face a situation alone.
In love, we can detach from romantic addiction, overcome withdrawal symptoms, and free ourselves from the drug that kneels us in love.

There's nothing we can't do when in love. Because at all times and in all places, only we can say: "In my heart, I am in charge; I am the owner of my love."

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español:

Las mujeres enamoradas somos capaces de cualquier cosa