We leave without saying goodbye when the relationship is causing us a lot of harm or when there's a danger involved. This is why we can vanish from someone's life without having to give explanations – because we must protect our lives, as well as our mental and emotional health.
When these extreme circumstances don't apply, and we simply want to stop sharing our lives and end the relationship, then we should say goodbye.
It's not always necessary to explain our reasons, nor do we have to detail them precisely; the important thing is that the other person understands what is happening without ambiguity. It's not about the "why," but rather the "what" is happening.
Saying goodbye is an act of love that requires a lot of honesty and courage; it's not easy to tell someone that you're no longer in love, and it's not easy to say you want to separate to follow your path alone or with other companions, but it must be done.
It's called ghosting, but it's mistreatment and violence, as disappearing from someone's life without any explanation causes a lot of pain.
When your messages go unanswered, and your calls are never picked up, when you're blocked on social media, and communication channels are cut off, it's easy to think that it's your fault, that you've done something wrong, that you deserve it for some reason.
Our brain goes on high alert, releases adrenaline, our heart races, and our mind starts asking questions, spinning scenarios, and imagining things that torment us greatly.
When everything seems to be fine, and suddenly someone ends the relationship without saying goodbye, our world completely collapses, and our entire life is disrupted.
When someone suddenly disappears from your daily life, the mourning process becomes much more difficult and prolonged because before reaching acceptance, we have to go through a true ordeal.
Our self-esteem plummets, we feel lost and vulnerable, we become angry and protest, we drown in tears, we despair, and sometimes, we become obsessed.
Eating becomes a challenge, sleep is elusive, acceptance is hard, and we cling to the hope that it's just a temporary situation, with the fear that it might be permanent, and we may never find out what happened.
It doesn't matter whether your relationship lasted ten years or a weekend; you must gather the courage and calmly explain to the other person what's happening, what you're feeling, and the decision you want to make.
If you're afraid to do it, or if you suspect the other person might lose control, become aggressive, or harm themselves, do it outdoors, in broad daylight, in a place where people are nearby. But do it: stories must be properly concluded, endings must be put to relationships, and farewells must be done with love.
If you no longer feel the same way about your partner, or if there are things about them that you don't like, if you feel that you're not compatible, if you don't see a future in the relationship, say it gently and firmly.
If you want to start a new chapter in your life, if you want to experience new stories, if you've fallen in love with someone else, say it with affection and clarity.
If you've just started the relationship but realize you're not truly comfortable, for whatever reason, you can say so, because you have the right to start and end your relationships whenever you want.
What you don't have the right to do is make someone suffer with whom you've shared personal and sexual intimacy, along with fluids, kisses, and hugs.
Because leaving without facing the situation is cowardly and causes a lot of pain to the other person. We all wish we had the strength to tell off someone who doesn't answer our calls, and our self-esteem was high enough to withstand such a cruel display of disregard. But we don't.
We are very fragile beings, very vulnerable, and it hurts us greatly to be treated poorly. When we trust our partner, it's because we believe they'll treat us well all the time – before, during, and at the end of the relationship.
We call it care, we call it emotional responsibility; it's a matter of justice and partnership.
It's difficult, but with empathy, solidarity, and genuine love, it can be achieved: we all deserve to be able to say goodbye and give and receive care until the end.
Coral Herrera Gómez
