Coral Herrera Gómez – Página 6 – Coral Herrera Gómez

agosto 15, 2023

Men, better as lovers.

"I now have a boyfriend, yes, I have several boyfriends, but I won't be washing anyone's underwear ever again in my life," "I love falling in love, but I'm no longer anyone's servant," "I only see boyfriends and close friends on Sundays, the rest of the days I'm too busy," this is how the Ladies who have achieved liberation speak.

Most of them fell into the trap of romantic love in their youth, and after raising their children, working tirelessly throughout their lives, they become widowed or divorced, and start a new chapter in their lives. I see them so liberated and they are so clear about it: men are just for enjoyment. No sharing a home: they meet them for going to the cinema, to demonstrations, to museums, for walks in the countryside. They enjoy their sessions of sex and love, they read together, listen to music together, learn and practice ballroom dances, attend literary gatherings, do sports, or escape for a few days to explore new places, but their lives do not revolve around them.

I hear these Ladies speak, and it gives me a boost. I look at them and admire them: they enjoy their retirement and savings, they enjoy their friends, grandchildren, and granddaughters, they take classes in a thousand things, they travel, attend concerts and theater, or even perform themselves, they are engaged in women's groups and social movements, they make new friends, take great care of themselves and each other, and they're happier than ever. Finally, they have time for themselves, to pursue their passions, and men are not the center of their existence, just one affection among many in a network of multiple affections.

These are Ladies over 65 who have liberated themselves from the romantic myth: they experienced the excitement, faced disappointments, and now they have no time to waste. They want to spend the remaining years of their lives well, to live without suffering, sacrifices, or enduring, and without giving up everything they gave up during 30 or 40 years of their lives. They want to enjoy, and they know what they want and what they don't. I wish we all had such clarity.

When I wrote the book "Owner of My Love," I thought of them and how we could tell young girls about everything that comes after the romantic wedding, so they don't have to go through the same thing and can love freely. I realized that the formula of these Ladies is the best... the most realistic and practical one. They live so happily, enjoying their freedom, money, energy, and time, free from their traditional roles, autonomous and empowered.

Men are better as lovers: they in their homes, we in ours. It's all advantages: love doesn't deteriorate with cohabitation, there's no abusive or dominating relationships, you have much more free time, you think more about yourself and your pleasure, you have time to miss your guy and feel eager to see him, and when you do get together, you make the most of the present and live it intensely. Both of you feel free, both have your own spaces and times, and there's no accumulation of resentment from daily fights or domestic exploitation, because everyone takes care of their own things.

When men cease to be at the center of your life, you emerge, and wonderful people who love and care for you do too, and your networks of affection multiply. It's then that you realize that love is everywhere, and the partner is just one more of your relationships.

You in your home, me in mine: that's how it's easier to love each other well and enjoy sex and love, within a network of wonderful people, and a partner who doesn't occupy all of the space or time, the two greatest treasures of the Ladies who no longer suffer for love.

The big question women in their thirties ask me is: how can we have children with men without living with them? I tell them about the Mosuo, a tribe in Nepal where women don't live with men: they share a bed at night with their loved ones, but during the day, they share caregiving responsibilities and are organized to work and raise children. So, when a romantic relationship ends, they experience the pain of loss, but they don't crumble because their lives remain unchanged. They continue to live in a network of affection and mutual support: for them, not having a partner doesn't mean being alone.

And for the Ladies, neither does it. If what we want is to suffer less and enjoy love more, my proposal is that we turn our loved ones into our lovers, at least until we stop falling for the romantic hoax and until they learn to relate to free and independent women. We've been working on dismantling patriarchy for years, but we can't sit around waiting for them to start. For now, they don't need to.

If we can't have companionate love relationships with them, if we can't build egalitarian partnerships based on mutual care, then it's better to be practical and engage with men only for fun and enjoyment. For sharing life, we can create a different type of family, with our loved ones, with our networks of women.

And what would happen to men if we refuse to create a happy home and family with them? I believe it would also be very positive for them. They would have to learn to take care of themselves and others, becoming more independent. Initially, it would be difficult for them to give up having a free personal assistant, and it would be challenging for them to learn to relate to free women. They would feel like dethroned kings, but they could gather among themselves to discuss their feelings and seek solace.

Undoubtedly, they would feel disoriented as they no longer occupy the center of women's lives and are not needed for anything, but over time, they would start working on dismantling patriarchal norms to have partners and to enjoy being fathers to the extent they wish. Since they wouldn't have millions of women eager and needy for love at their disposal, they would finally need to make changes to adapt to the new times. Perhaps then, they could engage in self-critique, both personally and collectively, but that's not within our control.

We can only work on our liberation process to become emotionally and economically autonomous, to support and care for each other, and to build relationships with men based on freedom, not need or dependency.

Can you imagine the enormous political and economic changes that would be unleashed by this transformation of our relationships?

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español: Los hombres, mejor como amantes

agosto 15, 2023

The Ethics of Love and the Philosophy of Care: A fundamental subject for life.

The key to the change we need lies in care. To end the suffering of the population and build a better world, we could start by teaching the values of the Culture of Non-Violence, Ethical Love, and the Philosophy of Care in schools.

Learning to care for myself, my home, and the spaces I inhabit, caring for my loved ones, caring for nature, and caring for the planet: it's a simple formula to improve our ways of relating and organizing.

The pandemic of suicides and mental illnesses demonstrates the urgent need for tools to halt self-destruction and curb the violence we exert against ourselves, among us, and against other living beings and the planet.

It's time to learn how to take care of ourselves and our relationships: we have the right to live a good life and dream of a better world. And Coeducation based on the values of ecofeminism and pacifism is a powerful tool to initiate the changes we need.

The modules of this subject would be:

Taking Care of Myself:

Learning sexual and emotional education.
Learning to build a beautiful relationship with myself, learning to love and treat myself well.
Learning to listen to myself and have confidence in myself.
Strengthening my self-esteem.
Controlling my ego and cultivating humility.
Learning to care for my words and the way I speak to myself and others.
Learning to manage my emotions so they don't overwhelm me or others.
Acquiring tools to know myself better and appreciate my abilities and qualities.
Working on aspects of myself that I don't like, things that make me suffer and cause suffering to others.
Learning to practice loving self-critique and working to become a better person.
Learning to take care of my mental and emotional health.
Learning to take care of my sexual health and enjoy my relationships.
Learning to value my life and take care of my health: basic knowledge of hygiene, nutrition, and well-being.
Learning to be responsible for my well-being and happiness.
Learning my fundamental Human Rights, as well as those of others.
Learning to be loyal to myself.

2.Taking Care of Others:

Learning the arts of assertiveness and Nonviolent Communication.
Learning to think about the Common Good.
Understanding human relationship structures and power hierarchies to change how I relate to others.
Learning to use my own power and understanding how others use theirs.
Learning to cooperate and build networks of mutual support.
Developing empathy, solidarity, and companionship.
Unlearning the notion of deriving enjoyment from causing suffering to others.
Learning to relate with respect and kindness.
Analysis and deconstruction of individualism values (selfishness, narcissism, etc.).
Reflecting on suffering, evil, and cruelty.
Unlearning values of accumulation and hoarding.
Learning to share and work as a team.
Learning to forge alliances and networks of mutual support.
Learning to resolve conflicts without resorting to violence.
Training to become aware of the impact our words, desires, thoughts, and actions have on others.
Imagining alternative ways of relating and loving, free from suffering and exploitation.
Advocating for our right and the right of others to enjoy a good life.
Taking care of the elderly and children, taking care of the most vulnerable people and animals.
Taking care of my partner.
Taking care of my caregivers.
Taking care of my pets and plants.

3. Taking Care of My Home and the Spaces We Inhabit, and Caring for My Planet:

Learning basic tasks for survival (hygiene and cleanliness, nutrition, physical, mental, and emotional health).
Embracing my responsibility as a citizen for building a better world.
Learning to enjoy and care for nature, and understanding the delicate balance of our ecosystem.
Developing immunity against intolerance, socially transmitted diseases, and phobias.
Learning to value the biological and cultural diversity of our planet.
Imagining alternative ways of interacting with the planet and the other living beings that inhabit it.
Envisioning alternative ways of nourishing ourselves, producing, and relating.
Imagining alternative models of social, political, economic, sexual, and emotional organization.
Dreaming of other worlds and investigating with the tools of science to bring them into reality.

In this subject, the main cross-cutting theme would be Human Rights, social movements, and universal principles of social justice, freedom, peace, solidarity, care, and love.

At a theoretical level, these cross-cutting themes would be addressed:

Theory of culture and media: techniques of reality construction and mass manipulation.
Feminist theory and history of the women's liberation movement.
Ecological theory and the environmental movement.
Pacifist and antimilitarist theory and movement.
Studies of masculinities, anti-racism, diversity, and culture of non-violence.

Throughout the course, students will have the opportunity to engage with significant questions of Humanity and imagine alternatives to the current system:

Is life a common phenomenon in the Cosmos? Are there other civilizations, or are we completely alone in an immense and vast Universe?
Why is life on our planet threatened, and why are we destroying it despite knowing the consequences?
Given the knowledge and necessary skills to save ourselves, why aren't we already doing it?
How can we eliminate inequality and hierarchies?
How can we put an end to violence and wars?
How do we distribute resources among everyone to eliminate poverty, exploitation, and suffering?
How can we ensure that we all live better lives than we do now?
How do we improve communication, care, and love for one another?

This subject blends the personal with the political: its aim is to equip students with the ability to think about the Common Good and the Community of human beings on this planet. It aims to develop their capacity for critical thinking, provide them with tools to decipher the underlying ideology in the messages they receive through media and cultural productions, encourage the blossoming of their imagination, acquire basic values for building good relationships, and work towards a better world.

When the first generation receives these teachings and embraces these values, they will be able to educate their children without violence and help them develop their own tools for self-care and caring for others.

We have the right to demand that governments provide us with an ecofeminist and pacifist education, based on the ethics of love and the philosophy of care, because the future of humanity depends on our ability to care for the planet and think about the Common Good.

The revolution of love starts in schools and universities: we simply need to teach the new generations how to create their own tools to contribute to the construction of a better world.

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español: La Ética del Amor y la Filosofía de los Cuidados

agosto 15, 2023agosto 15, 2023

Women can do what we want when we fall in love

Women are capable of doing anything when we fall in love:

In love, we can decide not to start a relationship if the right conditions for loving and enjoying love are not present.
In love, we can negotiate how we will build the relationship from the beginning to the end.
In love, we can establish boundaries and red lines on non-negotiable issues (such as personal freedom, respect, and relationships with our loved ones).
In love, we can recognize when someone loves us and when they don't, and we can leave a relationship without reciprocity.
In love, we can take the leap with a parachute and enjoy the flight without putting ourselves in danger.
In love and drunk with love, we can continue to use our intelligence and common sense, and we can make important decisions responsibly.
In love, we can continue to be ourselves and be loyal to ourselves.
In love, we can love as mature women, take responsibility for our well-being, and commit to ourselves as we commit to our beloved.
In love, we can read the signs and listen to ourselves, pay attention, and not overlook anything that indicates something is not right in the relationship.
In love, we can end the relationship with our beloved if they don't treat us well, don't care for us, and don't treat us with respect.
In love, we can boldly voice our wants, desires, and needs, even if they don't align with those of our partner.
In love, we can prevent our emotions from harming us or others.
In love, we can shield ourselves from our partner's negative or destructive emotions causing us suffering.
In love, we can say no when we want to say no. No matter how deeply in love we are, we can.
In love, we can demand that our partner use protection and share responsibility for both partners' sexual and reproductive health.
In love, we can refuse to play the role of a servant and demand that our partners fulfill their responsibilities and obligations in household and caregiving tasks.
In love, we can demystify love and explore new ways of loving each other beyond gender norms.
In love, we can continue to care for our friends just as we do when we are not in love.
In love, we can refuse to sacrifice, give up, and endure for the sake of love.
In love, we can work to fall out of love when we are not happy in a relationship.
In love, we can escape from relationships that pose a threat to our mental, emotional, and physical health or our own survival.
In love, we can analyze what brings us happiness and what causes us suffering, and we can make decisions to stop suffering.
In love, we can rebel against the romantic hoax and help other women in love realize that they are not condemned to suffer for love.
In love, we can avoid self-deception and work on everything we need to work on to live a good life, free from suffering and violence.
In love, we can take care of ourselves and ensure our safety and well-being.
In love, we can take care of our sons and daughters, and make decisions to protect them and spare them suffering.
In love, we can seek help if we feel that we cannot face a situation alone.
In love, we can detach from romantic addiction, overcome withdrawal symptoms, and free ourselves from the drug that kneels us in love.

There's nothing we can't do when in love. Because at all times and in all places, only we can say: "In my heart, I am in charge; I am the owner of my love."

Coral Herrera Gómez

Original en español:

Las mujeres enamoradas somos capaces de cualquier cosa